My 32nd birthday!

Well, the previous two posts were from 2010, but apparently not published, just written. Enjoy those gems friends!

However, today I turned 32 and am ready to embark on a new journey. I have been thinking a lot about where I am in life and where I want to be and find that I have vast room for improvement!

I realized that lately I am letting life's disappointments weigh me down. I am disappointed that my career aspirations will never be met while we live here- in the hills. I am disappointed that the dream of a perfect nuclear family is just that for me, a dream. I am disappointed with how hard marriage can be at times when I know that I've married the right man. I am disappointed. That's it. I am disappointed in many things. Sadly, my list could go on and on.

That being said, I have much to be thankful of and grateful for and I can't let these negative things hold me back or keep me down. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life and what is important.

I have over came a lot of struggles in my life by sticking to a philosophy of living my life by design. What is this? It's deciding what I want from life and making a plan of how to make that happen. I knew that I wanted to be a positive role model for my son as a single mom so I worked as much as I could, went to school full time, and did everything I could to prepare a future for us. I didn't look for Mr. Right until I had accomplished several key elements in my life first such as graduating, starting a career, and having financial security.p
This meant I didn't do much dating or have a social life for almost 6 years, but my focus was on being the best mom I could be and making myself the kind of person I would want to Marry. I designed my future. It worked for me.
Somewhere along the way I had accomplished all of my goals. I even met Mr. Right, married him and got pregnant in the blink of an eye! I had it all.
Then, slowly I realized that I didn't know what was next. I had so many variables going on that were out of my control I surrendered to them. I have been waking up and living everyday, but not really having a purpose or direction to guide me for almost 2 years now and guess what? It's not working for me!
I have been angry for over a year now that a judge allowed Ethan to go live with his father. Everything I have worked so hard for, was for him! He was my motivation when I didn't have it in me. I shut down. I surrendered to the ruling and let that define me.

I recently realized that I needed to change my own attitude in how I approach each day and life in general. After all, I still need to be a role model to Ethan as well as my beautiful Isabella who is already one and a half and idolizes my every move.
I started looking for some inspiration on attitudes and stumbled on a quote - which of course I forgot the exact words or who to give credit to but I will look up and update later - anywhoo, the quote is something like

"I can not change the direction of the wind, but I can always adjust my sails and reach my destination"

This struck a cord with me. I need to adjust how I look at life and my interactions with the world to reach my destination. I need to search my soul and build a plan that will get me where I want to be so that next year, I can celebrate my 33rd birthday and reflect on how far I've come.

For the (rest of) the month of September my goal is going to be to reflect on the positives of each day.
Today, that is easy. I had a wonderful birthday and all day my phone sent me a little memo that someone was thinking of me and wishing me a happy birthday. Whether it was a text, an IG message, a Facebook post or a call, hundreds of people thought about me today. Okay, not hundreds, MAYBE 100, but still! What a blessing.

I've always said I'm not a birthday person because you don't do anything to earn a birthday, you are just born. Now mothers day- that's a different story. However, today I was glad it was my birthday and that people in this world cared about me. In my own way, I've needed that affirmation a little more than I probably should lately.
So let the journey begin as this year I recreate my life by design and work towards new goals each month. Measurable, attainable goals!

Side note, I will be doing this via I-phone and while I am educated, I don't pay attention to my spelling or grammar near as much as I should on social sites to what I type, so be prepared for blunders galore. I suggest turning reading this into a drinking game. For every misspelled, grammatically incorrect, out of place thought or word- you must drink! You will look forward to my blog posts! That, or have to attend an anonymous group of sorts by Christmas!
Bottoms up!